Once in a while, I get into fits where the way for me to “relax” is to move around. If I’m preoccupied, I often feel like I need to be productive in a physical way, like cleaning or organizing, in order to chew things mentally. This doesn’t happen often enough that I’d call it a personality trait. It’s more like I occasionally become alert to all the things I need to get done, and I get a bug up my butt to attend to everything. The last thing I want to do is sit down and concentrate on something. It’s a good way to procrastinate on other stuff in a righteous sort of way.
After moving, of course, we have had nothing but unpacking and organizing to do. It had been such a big, ongoing project that we were only able to chip away at it for most of the past week. Over the weekend, however, we got rid of more of our stuff and found proper places for nearly everything else that remained. It’s like putting together a puzzle. Occasionally frustrating, but then, moments of satisfaction when everything fits together.
While getting settled in our new place, I knew I would inevitably need to make a trip to Ikea. And on this recent trip, I discovered how to get through the local Ikea labyrinth without spending half a day there: Make sure you have to pee. Go to the store and do not allow yourself to use the restroom until you are done shopping. It’s like playing a game. Be sure to avoid the gluts of wandering shoppers that congregate in the maze. Or you will want to punch them. Or pee on their shoes.
When I visited Ikea, I had a list of items we needed, and I was only there for a quick, stealth trip. But really. Is there such a thing on a Sunday afternoon at Ikea? Or any other Super Giant Suburban Temple of Commerce? I had to downshift from my speedy, productive pace to fit in with the slow, shuffling herd of consumerism. And I needed to pee.
I have always been a fast walker. It may have come from years of waiting on tables and always having a sense of urgency to get someplace. Or it could be part of my East Coast neuroticism impatience. Or it’s just my naturally occurring sporadic movements. I like walking fast. I enjoy feeling like I’m going somewhere. Moving.
I’m a little offended by the traditional, romantic idea that walking slowly, going for a stroll, stopping to smell the roses, is somehow more simple and appealing and good for you. Like you can’t really observe the world without slowly taking everything in by sauntering about. Oh, leaves and puddles and sky! Let me adjust my monocle to see them better.
That’s all well and good. I’m happy to see people getting outdoors, walking around and being out in the world. But you know what, you people who slowly stroll around? You’re getting in my way. Walking isn’t just a novelty, it’s transportation. I’m trying to be industrious and get shit done over here. And I need to pee.
Meredith
on Nov 23rd, 2009
@ 9:36 AM:
I’m also a fast walker. I have to think to slow down. And I can’t sit still until I feel some sort of organizational satisfaction. We also unpacked this weekend, and after 3 days of moving, cleaning and organizing, I still couldn’t sit still until the kitchen at least was done. And the front step swept. And the stairs scrubbed down. And stealing avocados from the neighbors tree.
devlyn
on Nov 23rd, 2009
@ 12:41 PM:
if you were on the faceypages, you could join the group “Hating it when people walk slow in front of you” with me! I am a fast walker as well, and I *hate* when people lollygag in front of me.
I also have magic IKEA powers and pride myself on being able to get in and out of there with whatever I want in less than a half-hour.
kelli
on Nov 24th, 2009
@ 1:53 PM:
i have discovered the trick to emerging from Huge Temples of Consumerism without having spilt blood, and with sanity clearly intact. It is called an iPod. I swear. Home Depot, Costco and Ikea… no iPod, I wander around in a daze like I have never left my house before, nor have I seen an 18-pack of tighty-whiteys. I put on the iPod and my nirvana immediately decends. And when you filter out all the audio pollution, it is much easier to focus and get through quickly. Plus, people smile at you as you wiggle your butt to “ABC” by the Jackson 5.
kelli
on Nov 24th, 2009
@ 1:56 PM:
oh, and ps… i no longer avoid the unattended toddler. i just slam into them, and when the irate parent turns to scold me, (which I cannot hear with the earbuds in, bonus!) I say “sorry, I wasn’t paying attention to your child either.” stops them in their tracks.